Back to Montreal

Enough of the talk about Vancouver, it’s time to talk about the Gulls again.

They took flight against NSC Minnesota last night and laid a big egg in front of a whopping crowd of 746 people. I hate to do another review just like the last two, but it was another typical Montreal game, boring lifeless attack that couldn’t even score against the worst defense in the league(something along the lines of 13 goals allowed in the last 4 games). OK play outside of the attacking third, but when it came to finishing the plays, it was pitiful. Corners and crosses were terrible as usual. Gatti almost equalised it in stoppage time with an amazing shot that rattled the bar but alas it bounced out and not in.

Not much of the game could be enjoyed, aside from the jazz trumpet in the background accompanying the commentary of “Squealy” Mel Brooks and “Minnesota” Gollum.

“What a powerful runnnn… so strrrronggg!”

What will it take for the Impact to find the back of the net? It’s getting to the point where they need directions towards the goal…Next game is this Saturday, when they play away to Tampa Bay, the team with the best attack in the league.

Checklist for failure:

1. Sunday afternoon game-Check
2. Rainy weather( and some would say “cold”)-Check
3. Jordan injured-Check
4. Playing against Miami-Check

I guess you can figure out how the game went.
The usual  toothless attack put about as much pressure on Miami as a light breeze, without all the intensity. Set pieces were as new traditions dictate, absolutely terrible, with zero pressure or genuine offensive chances coming about as the result of any type of set piece, excluding the penalty awarded to the Impact. I’ve never seen such a by-the-book day since we’ve started nesting in Stade Saputo. Most walked up to the game expecting the usual, and it was all there, even down to Miami FC’s time-wasting and unsportsmanlike finish. The same crap, different day.

A few things ran against the grain of this ho-hum Sunday afternoon game. The UM02 had the pleasure of being joined by none other than former Gull and current MNT player, Patrice Bernier.

Patrice in Kop CXIV

Hopefully we’ll see him just in front of 114 come MLS 2012.

So, the game may have been shit, the weather may have been shit, the crowd may have been shit, and even though it was shit overall, we were still there to see our Gulls, and we will be there again the 20th against Rochester(and at Frappé this Wednesday to watch the Minnesota away game!).

No update is better than this update…

About the recent Gulls-Caramilks game.

And I mean it in a sense that writing no update, would be better than writing this one. Sunday was a day of disappointment unlike others in recent history. It wasn’t the muted disappointment we felt in the V cup, where we tried and failed, due mostly to discipline problems against les Clowns, and refereeing controversy against the Caps.

It was a whole new sensation, of a defensive team making  many defensive errors during the run of play. That, coupled with the league’s worst offense and a terrible(aka: Afternoon) crowd made for a day of complete disappointment for all of the Gulls dedicated fans. Cedric Joqueviel, seemingly long past his great first year with us, committed two defensive errors that resulted in both of the Caramilk goals. The breakdown at the 90th minute definitively sunk the hopes for IMFC but in the eyes of attentive fans throughout Saputo, it was over after the first goal of the 20th, as there was no signs of a comeback, instead, it was the same listless performance in the final third, where the number of opportunities in relation to time of possession was greatly imbalanced. What chances the Gulls managed to have were harmless, save for a nice David Testo volley that hit the wrong side of the post and went out of bounds.

The fact that the Impact could not beat a ginger with disco sideburns was seemingly not lost on the club brass, as word has it that the Canadian goalscoring phenom(take it with a grain of salt) and former Gull, Ali Gerba(Zherba) is now training with them once again, as well as Philippe “            “(represents his invisibility) Billy’s old teammate from Brest, Cédric Fabien.

Now, saying you’re pursuing Canada’s best goalscorer is like saying you want Mauritius’ best hockey player, especially considering Ali is constantly plagued by criticisms of laziness, fatness, and radness. He shows flashes of brilliance with the national side, but when it comes to the club side, he plays the role of the resident love-hate player; amazing potential with some negative quality that usually takes away from his stay.

Hopefully, if he finally comes home to roost with his fellow Gulls, Marc Dos Santos makes sure that he maximizes potential because the last thing the club needs is yet another waste of space up front, like “Old Man Eddie” Sebrango, Peter “Insert nickname here” Byers and Roberto “Tyson” Brown.

Because even MIAMI FC(MIAMI!!!) has scored more goals than ours. Next up is the “anticipated” friendly against AC Milan, Wednesday, at the Big Nest.