Montreal Roundup!

In order to reduce the amount of daily small posts, I decided to wait a suitable amount of time, and present all Gulls related news in one handy-dandy, easy to link to(hint-hint) D&G post that covers the recent topics that have popped up in Montreal.

First off, WE SCORED!! Not just one, but Two(!) goals against Tampa Bay! Such a monumental occasion, it surely ranks up there with our three league titles and seven national titles. Hence my, perhaps over the top reaction, which consisted of lighting off four flares at work. I kid, it was only three flares.

So, two goals in one game, a feat that has only happened once before this season, in the 2-1 comeback against NSC Minnesota (sing louder, we can win this, it’s only Minnesota!). Oddly enough, this finished 2-1 as well, though it was not a comeback, for once.

Second of all, Montreal’s Baby Gulls spread their adorable little fledgling wings in front of 2,100 people against FCE tonight, resulting in a 3-0 loss against the Prairie Dogs. From the reports from those at the match, there was the promise of potential atmosphere with the Edmonton Supporters Group, as well as ownerships that seems willing to foster a loyal supporters atmosphere. A young Canadian of only 17 years managed to get two goals of his own this match. Hopefully, it was not a fluke and he continues to improve. The sole player to have played tonight  for the senior side this year was one Tyler Hemming, the Canadian midfielder who’s been on the outside looking in. Pity he plays in our strongest position as it gives him so few opportunities to crack the lineup. It seems hemming knows this, as he also spent time tonight as keeper, after Badescu received a red card. Maybe he thinks with Jordan’s injury, he has a better chance to crack the Gulls, as one of our goalies.

He probably has a better chance, to be honest. Next up for the Vermin is their match against Chilean Colo-Colo.

Next on the docket for those in Montreal is the home match sunday versus our once “proud(ish)” rivals, the Rochester (Raging) Rhinos. Don’t expect away support, as it seems the Stampede have all died, most likely myocardial infarctions brought about through years of eating garbage plates:

Heart Attacks never looked so good.

Also, expect another update sometime before the Rochester game, as I sit down with none other than the Gulls’ own Stephen Deroux.

Back to Montreal

Enough of the talk about Vancouver, it’s time to talk about the Gulls again.

They took flight against NSC Minnesota last night and laid a big egg in front of a whopping crowd of 746 people. I hate to do another review just like the last two, but it was another typical Montreal game, boring lifeless attack that couldn’t even score against the worst defense in the league(something along the lines of 13 goals allowed in the last 4 games). OK play outside of the attacking third, but when it came to finishing the plays, it was pitiful. Corners and crosses were terrible as usual. Gatti almost equalised it in stoppage time with an amazing shot that rattled the bar but alas it bounced out and not in.

Not much of the game could be enjoyed, aside from the jazz trumpet in the background accompanying the commentary of “Squealy” Mel Brooks and “Minnesota” Gollum.

“What a powerful runnnn… so strrrronggg!”

What will it take for the Impact to find the back of the net? It’s getting to the point where they need directions towards the goal…Next game is this Saturday, when they play away to Tampa Bay, the team with the best attack in the league.

Vancouver update

So, the kits and sponsors have been released and I must say, it makes the logo look so much better than on its own. The Southsiders, I must point out, successfully guessed their sponsor based only on the location of the announcement. Here are the photos:

Urkel in blue

Urkel in white

Aside from Nash looking like he’s wearing something two sizes too small, I must say the kits are pretty amazing. I’m more intrigued by the white jersey to be honest as the blue one looks like they were trying a bit too much to distinguish themselves from the glut of other blue and white(make room for one more!) clad MLS teams.

When I saw the logo I knew they were going to go to a patterned kit, but I was thinking something along the lines of this pattern from l’OM:

Either way, I’d say the logo is a 7/10 and the kits themselves are 8.5s.

New Whitecaps logo

So today, June 8th was the semi-anticipated announcement of the WFC MLS logo, and here it is:

Pretty simple and unimpressive in my opinion, but at least there’s no soccer ball. Perhaps a bit to elongated as well, but it seems like something that grows on you over time, like some sort of pacific parasite.

The marketing blablabla about it can be found here.

Checklist for failure:

1. Sunday afternoon game-Check
2. Rainy weather( and some would say “cold”)-Check
3. Jordan injured-Check
4. Playing against Miami-Check

I guess you can figure out how the game went.
The usual  toothless attack put about as much pressure on Miami as a light breeze, without all the intensity. Set pieces were as new traditions dictate, absolutely terrible, with zero pressure or genuine offensive chances coming about as the result of any type of set piece, excluding the penalty awarded to the Impact. I’ve never seen such a by-the-book day since we’ve started nesting in Stade Saputo. Most walked up to the game expecting the usual, and it was all there, even down to Miami FC’s time-wasting and unsportsmanlike finish. The same crap, different day.

A few things ran against the grain of this ho-hum Sunday afternoon game. The UM02 had the pleasure of being joined by none other than former Gull and current MNT player, Patrice Bernier.

Patrice in Kop CXIV

Hopefully we’ll see him just in front of 114 come MLS 2012.

So, the game may have been shit, the weather may have been shit, the crowd may have been shit, and even though it was shit overall, we were still there to see our Gulls, and we will be there again the 20th against Rochester(and at Frappé this Wednesday to watch the Minnesota away game!).

So… Looks like it’s rant day.

Following hot on the heels of the temporarily handicapped Steven Beauregard, I’ve decided to try and follow his example and make “Friendly” Wednesday the annual holiday for Impact bloggers to bitch about the state of affairs in Montréal.

First of all, this man is spot on. I have never heard so many casual nonfans(I prefer to call them plagistes) talk about the Impact before. At work, hearing old Italian men saying “Oh, so are you guys going to see Milan? They’re playing the Impact.” “Who’s the Impact?”. I have basically overheard versions of that conversation about 50 times since the friendly was announced with variations being “oh, the Impact, they’re gonna get destroyed, brrrrroooooooooooooooo” and “we should go to the game and fight the AC Milan fans. Montréal Hooligans!!!” instead of “Who’s the Impact?”.

Basically, the attitude of the majority of people in this town is that of a typical North American, sports fan or otherwise. If it isn’t the best, it’s the worst. The entitlement of North Americans is amazing, anything other than top flight, is destined to fail, with some exceptions. The NFL is the best gridiron league in the world (not much competition, really), the NBA is (allegedly) the best Basketball league in the world, the NHL is the best as well( excluding a few bottom feeder NHL teams and top European sides). All this has cultured north Americans to grow up thinking that the only thing that warrants, nay, deserves their time, is the elite leagues and players, nothing less, excluding Canada’s religious obsession with hockey which allows the minor leagues to have relative success in some areas.

All this entitlement will be on display today versus ACM, as many fans will graciously give us a portion of their valuable time and descend upon the Big Nest to see their city “their (great great great grandfather’s) city” play a game. The ultimate insult is that they think that it would be a much better idea to spend 40+ dollars to sit and watch a meaningless friendly, rather than 10-20$ to see us win a cup, play a hated rival or just generally support their city.

The only suitable response is to bide our time, laugh it off(while a part of my soul dies in the process) and wait for MLS. When those same “forza milan brrrrrrrrroooooooooooo” people jump on the impact because they’re the latest Gull on the beach, we get our revenge.

Aime ta Ville

Supporte ton Club

No update is better than this update…

About the recent Gulls-Caramilks game.

And I mean it in a sense that writing no update, would be better than writing this one. Sunday was a day of disappointment unlike others in recent history. It wasn’t the muted disappointment we felt in the V cup, where we tried and failed, due mostly to discipline problems against les Clowns, and refereeing controversy against the Caps.

It was a whole new sensation, of a defensive team making  many defensive errors during the run of play. That, coupled with the league’s worst offense and a terrible(aka: Afternoon) crowd made for a day of complete disappointment for all of the Gulls dedicated fans. Cedric Joqueviel, seemingly long past his great first year with us, committed two defensive errors that resulted in both of the Caramilk goals. The breakdown at the 90th minute definitively sunk the hopes for IMFC but in the eyes of attentive fans throughout Saputo, it was over after the first goal of the 20th, as there was no signs of a comeback, instead, it was the same listless performance in the final third, where the number of opportunities in relation to time of possession was greatly imbalanced. What chances the Gulls managed to have were harmless, save for a nice David Testo volley that hit the wrong side of the post and went out of bounds.

The fact that the Impact could not beat a ginger with disco sideburns was seemingly not lost on the club brass, as word has it that the Canadian goalscoring phenom(take it with a grain of salt) and former Gull, Ali Gerba(Zherba) is now training with them once again, as well as Philippe ”            “(represents his invisibility) Billy’s old teammate from Brest, Cédric Fabien.

Now, saying you’re pursuing Canada’s best goalscorer is like saying you want Mauritius’ best hockey player, especially considering Ali is constantly plagued by criticisms of laziness, fatness, and radness. He shows flashes of brilliance with the national side, but when it comes to the club side, he plays the role of the resident love-hate player; amazing potential with some negative quality that usually takes away from his stay.

Hopefully, if he finally comes home to roost with his fellow Gulls, Marc Dos Santos makes sure that he maximizes potential because the last thing the club needs is yet another waste of space up front, like “Old Man Eddie” Sebrango, Peter “Insert nickname here” Byers and Roberto “Tyson” Brown.

Because even MIAMI FC(MIAMI!!!) has scored more goals than ours. Next up is the “anticipated” friendly against AC Milan, Wednesday, at the Big Nest.

Colo-Colo friendly a step away from being colo-Concrete.

Excuse the bad wordplay but it seems the sporting manager of Colo Colo is currently in Canada to finalise the two previously mentioned friendlies in Montreal and Edmonton, opponents to be announced and to be played sometime before/around the 14th of June. I’m hoping that FCE ends up facing off against them, and I fully expect the Gulls to be their Montréal opponent

This is probably good news for FCE if they end up being Colo Colo’s Edmontonian opponent, any exposure always helps establish a new product. Can anyone with knowledge of Edmonton/Alberta please fill me in on just exactly how prevalent are Chileans in the city? Will it be an event for the city?

In lieu of the Champions League…

We might have yet another friendly! Woo!

So, according to a link dredged up by every Montrealer’s favourite journalist, Matthias Van Halst, of Impact Soccer/ Quebec Soccer fame, our Gulls might face off against the storied Chilean team, Colo Colo.

According to that link and another one, Colo Colo were offered to play friendlies in Canada. Though my knowledge of spanish is infinitesimally small, the dear readers on IS have started to sift through it, and as it stands now, it looks like Colo Colo have not yet decided on whether or not to trek up to the great white north to face off against Canadian sides(potentially). So it appears as if Joey has chosen to make up for the lack of meaningful games by bringing in the likes of Antigua Barracuda FC and Colo Colo to attempt to placate the fans at Stade Saputo. Nice try.

Also within the link, it does not specifically say the names of the sides they’d be facing, only the cities they’d “disputar cuatro amistosos”, which is to say, Montreal…”y Edmonton”. Aside from that surprising Edmonton bomb, the fact that it might be four friendlies, in the two cities could perhaps mean one game in each city vs. a local side, as well as another international team..

So it appears as if the Faths are really trying to attract some big names, with Portsmouth, Colo Colo(potentially) and Montreal heading to the prairies to play FCE(potentially).

Now if only they start to run FCE professionally, we’ll have another Canadian team to beat on regularly.

Don’t forget to bring a towel!

The UM02 followed the wise advice of South Park’s Towelie last night for the final Voyageurs Cup game against the Vancouver Whitecaps, and all brought everything needed for the very first UM02 beach party held due to the lose-lose-lose situation that was last night’s game.

Win, and Toronto wins the Cup,

Lose, and Vancouver could potentially win the cup, denying TFC, while the Gulls finish last

Draw, and TFC wins the cup, Gulls in last place for the second straight year.

Now obviously looking at that presentation of the outcomes, a draw is the worst possible finish for everyone involved. So guess what the fates had the game end in? A draw, what a surprise…

From the onset of the match, it felt to me like a draw was the only possible outcome, and unfortunately that came true. But aside from the dismal performance of our Gulls, and yet another chapter written in Voyageurs Cup history, there were strange things afoot in section 114. As a compromise between those who felt we should do nothing at this game, and those who felt the club deserved our support, the idea of the UM02 beach party was conceived.

People eschewed the usual black and blue sported in the kop for brightly coloured, summery beach clothes, flags for inflatable sharks and crocodiles and waved their towels in the air. The usual impressive songs coming from 114 were replaced by laughter and sounds of people playing with water guns, beach balls and beach tennis. Some songs were converted to reflect the summery protest (“Bronze, bronze ultras”, “La plage”, “Vamos a la playa”, etc.). The original plan of hanging our towels on the front railing was quickly dashed when the blackshirts forced their removal “because the game is on tv”, and the kiddy pool certainly did not please the meatheads, but what’s life on the beach without a few bullies who love nothing more than kicking sand in peoples faces…

Sure, near the end of the game people grew tired with the boring play on the field and the realisation that TFC would be crowned champions, and the beach balls invaded the field of play(accidentally), no matter how many beefy, overzealous black-shirted security guards there were overseeing the fun.

In the end, we finished last and Toronto won. The one respite from the terrible result(That still had the Impact players celebrating after the game…)?

Heavy drinking.